Finding Relief in Grief

Grief is an emotion that is all too common to the human experience. All of us have, or will, experience grief at some point in our lives. To witness our loved ones suffer as they waste away before our eyes. To look upon their frail body as they deal with the effects of a terminal illness. To gaze upon their lifeless body as they are eulogized and then lowered into the earth can reek havoc upon the heart of those who are left to pick up the pieces. How do we relieve our grief while keeping our faith intact?

I think David can teach us something about handling grief. David was well-acquainted with grief. Much of it was self-inflicted. Following his sin with Bathsheba, the killing of her husband Uriah, and his bout with the tremendous guilt for what he had done, David learns that he is forgiven by the Lord but, as a result of his sin, the child born from that illicit relationship was struck with sickness. David was overcome with grief. Guilt must have still surged through his heart as he contemplated how his actions had led to this. Verses 15-17 of 2 Samuel 12 read, “Then the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s widow bore to David, so that he was very sick. David therefore inquired of God for the child; and David fasted and went and lay all night on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him in order to raise him up from the ground, but he was unwilling and would not eat food with them.” David’s actions reveal a heart that is so distraught, so overwhelmed by the circumstances of the moment that he could not even function. His grief would not allow him to focus on anything else. David was emotionally destitute. He was a broken man, but he was not without hope. Verses 19-23 of 2 Samuel 12 read, "But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, David perceived that the child was dead; so David said to his servants, 'Is the child dead?' And they said, 'He is dead.' So David arose from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he came into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he came to his own house, and when he requested, they set food before him and he ate. Then his servants said to him, 'What is this thing that you have done? [a]While the child was alive, you fasted and wept; but when the child died, you arose and ate food.' He said, 'While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who knows, the LORD may be gracious to me, that the child may live.' But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.'” David accepted what he could not change. While the child was alive, he fasted and wept and prayed. Once the child had passed David knew he could not bring him back The only option was to live in such a way so that when his physical life was over, he could be reunited with his son. Many of us have been in David’s position: weeping, praying, too overcome with grief to even eat. We may not be able change the outcome, but we can live each and every day in such a way that when our lives on earth are over, we can see our precious loved ones in eternity. But some of you may be thinking to yourself, what if my loved one is not in heaven? How do I cope with the grief that the one I wish to see again will not be in heaven? No doubt, these are difficult questions with no easy answers. The bottom line is this: our soul is the only one we have control over. If our loved one is in heaven, they’re going to want us there as well. If, tragically, they are not in heaven, they certainly won't want us to miss out on its glories.

David also focused on what was left, not what was lost. It’s human nature to grieve. It’s only natural to mourn the loss of a loved one. In fact, such can be essential to the coping process. However, at some point we must regain our focus and tend to life again. While grieving is natural, normal and healthy, it can become unnatural, abnormal and unhealthy when it consumes us and renders us incapable of carrying on with everyday life. That’s not to say that we may feel in the beginning like we can’t go on. At first, we have little to no motivation to do much. But as the days go by, we must trust in our faith and allow God to be in control. Verse 24 of 2 Samuel 12 states, “Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and went in to her and lay with her; and she gave birth to a son, and he named him Solomon.” David regained his focus. He continued on with life. He still had a loving wife and a loving God. There was still a life worth living. While David was grieved in his heart, he didn’t allow grief to steal his focus. Unfortunately, I have seen families ripped apart and marriages severed because one or both spouses could not cope with their grief and move forward. They continued to focus on what they had lost rather than what was left, and it cost them. I have witnessed individuals lose their faith because of disappointment with God. Rather than allowing God to get them through their grief, they abandoned Him. The one that should have been their greatest ally became their biggest enemy.

I am in no way suggesting that overcoming grief is easy. It’s not! But God is the one constant, the one surety, the one mainstay when everything else seems to be crumbling down around us. While grief may be difficult to bear, we don’t have to bear it alone.

Are You Possessed?

"And He came down to Capernaum, a city of Galilee, and He was teaching them on the Sabbath; and they were amazed at His teaching, for His message was with authority. In the synagogue there was a man possessed by the spirit of an unclean demon, and he cried out with a loud voice, 'Let us alone! What business do we have with each other, Jesus of Nazareth? Have You come to destroy us? I know who You are—the Holy One of God!' But Jesus rebuked him, saying, 'Be quiet and come out of him!' And when the demon had thrown him down in the midst of the people, he came out of him without doing him any harm. And amazement came upon them all, and they began talking with one another saying, 'What is this message? For with authority and power He commands the unclean spirits and they come out.' And the report about Him was spreading into every locality in the surrounding district" (Luke 4:31-37).

Let's examine a little more closely the demon’s words: “I know who you are—the Holy One of God!” No sooner does the demon utter these words than Jesus tells him, "Be quiet!” Verse 41 tells us, “Demons were also coming out of many, shouting, ‘You are the Son of God!’ But rebuking them, He would not allow them to speak, because they knew Him to be the Christ.” Why was Jesus silencing these demons? Why would He tell them to be quiet? If the whole idea was to display His divine authority, then why would He object to these demons calling Him the Son of God? I think there is a very important reason why Jesus silenced these demons on the issue of His identity. I think it’s because He didn’t want them to have any part in defining who He was.

God and God alone is the only one who has the right to define who we are, and He had already defined Jesus. Remember His words when Jesus was baptized, “You are my beloved Son, in you I am well-pleased (Luke 3:22).” God defines us as well when we arise from the waters of baptism. We become His children. We are identified as Christian. And we must protect our identity by the way that we live. We must guard against identity theft.

The devil is constantly trying to define our identity. He is always trying to challenge our identity as a Christian. That is precisely what he tried to do to Jesus when he tempted Him. In Luke 4:3 the devil says to Jesus, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” “If you are the Son of God…” One can detect a tone of mockery. Satan questions who Jesus truly is in the hope that He might do the same. Then the devil leads Jesus up to a high place and shows Him all the kingdoms of the world and says to Him, “I will give you all this domain and its glory; for it has been handed over to me, and I give it to whomever I wish” (Luke 4:6). The only catch is that Jesus must bow down and worship the devil. Once again Satan tries to steal Jesus’ identity. He attempts to redefine Him by offering Him a shortcut deal. He promises all the power with no pain. Finally Satan leads Jesus up to Jerusalem and has Him stand on the highest point of the temple. He says, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here" (Luke 4:9). The devil is prompting Jesus to put His power on display. In essence he is saying, "You won’t die prematurely and everyone will immediately accept you as the Messiah." Here again we see Satan trying to coerce Jesus into doing it his way rather than God’s way.

The devil is implying something with the words, “If you are the Son of God?” He’s questioning the identity of Jesus. At the heart of the battle is an issue of identity.
Satan challenges our identity as well. When we’re in the desert. When we feel spiritually depleted and emotionally parched. He whispers in our ear, “You’re not really a child of God. You’re not saved. If you are saved, then why don’t you feel like it? If you love God so much then why do you do so many things wrong? Why are you such a failure? Do you think God loves a failure? Don’t you think God is sick and tired of forgiving you?” The whispers increase and intensify and the more they do the more they prick at your innermost being. Eventually he pulls out the biggest tool in his arsenal—-the past. For some he zeroes in on defining moments; moments we’d like to forget. He focuses on major mistakes, regrettable decisions and dishonorable acts. He uses abuse and rejection; whatever he can to beat you to despondency because he knows that everyone has a past. He is well aware of the fact that everyone has things in their past that they are trying to move beyond. His goal is for you to define yourself by your past failures. We all know personally how disheartening it is when the devil is calling us a failure and has ample evidence with which to prove his point.

Hear something loud and clear: the devil is not authorized to define your identity. He is not the divine authority. God is! Satan may drag up the past, he may use current struggles or he may even speak a certain amount of truth to get your ear. But in the end, not only is his definition of your identity false, it’s also contrary to who the Father has called you to be. Listen to your identity according to the word of the Lord, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy” (1 Peter 2:9 & 10).

As Christians, we belong to God. We are marked as His own. We bear His identity because we were made in His image. When we made the decision to leave a life of sin, He redefined us. He gave us a new life, and He gave us a new name as well. The name Christian, which literally means "adherents of Christ" or "those who belong to Him." In Galatians 2:20 Paul writes, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me…” Paul was possessed; not by a demon, but by Christ. He was consumed by Christ. He belonged to Christ. His identity was Christ. Are we possessed? Does our identity reflect the one who purchased us with His own blood?

Knowing Your Enemy--Part 2

I hear athletes all the time talk about “putting on their game face.” Just prior to competition they get mentally prepared by focusing in on the task at hand. They recall the scouting report. They go over the game plan in their head. They visualize what they must do in order to be successful. Some call it getting into the zone. The “game face” is an intense look an athlete exhibits that shows that he or she is focused and intent on doing whatever it takes to achieve victory.

Satan has his game face on. At times it may be the face of a subtle serpent (Gen. 3:1ff). He attacks through distraction, attempting to take our eyes off of the prize. At times he employs the face of "an angel of light" (2 Cor. 11:13-15). The mission of this face is to deceive. Or, Satan may take on the face of a "roaring lion" (1 Pet. 5:8). The mission of this face is to destroy. We must prepare ourselves for battle by being able to recognize the face. In 2 Corinthians 2:10 & 11 Paul wrote, “But one whom you forgive anything, I forgive also; for indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ, so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.” Ignorance is costly when it comes to battling Satan. We must guard our hearts, and we must be keenly aware of his devices.

In chapter 4, verses 7 & 8 of his epistle, James gives us a key piece of strategy for combating the devil: “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” The language of this passage denotes warfare. James is speaking militarily. A good soldier puts himself in complete subjection to his captain. He will resist by standing bravely in the face of the enemy. God, of course, is our leader, our general and our commander. Strong as the devil is, God never permits Satan to conquer the man who continues to resist him. Satan cannot force the human will; therefore, the man who finds himself closer to God and serving faithfully in His army, finds himself closer to victory.

We must also go into battle prepared. We learn from Jesus, when He faced Satan in the wilderness, that our best weapon is God’s Word. After the devil tempted Jesus to turn the stones into bread, a weary and hungry Christ responded, “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds from the mouth of God (Matt. 4:4).” The Word is our sword in the fight against Satan. It is our most valuable possession when we stand toe to toe with the enemy because it is truth that sustains us in the face of a liar.

Peter gives us another crucial piece of advice. He tells us to "be of sober spirit, be on alert" (1 Pet. 5:8a). The KJV uses the word "vigilant." The idea here is to be awake and mindful to what the devil’s devices are, for he is prowling around searching for his next victim. We must respect our opponent in the sense that we realize what he is capable of. We must watch and we pray. Our senses must be alert to the fact that the devil is always seeking an opportunity to devour us. We must make certain that we are hard to swallow.

There is an outfit out of Union, NJ that calls itself Red Devil Tool Company. Their slogan is: “It’s easy with the devil.” Obviously they are boasting that their tools transform difficult tasks into simple ones. This slogan doesn’t transfer over into life. It's not easy with the devil. Satan presents a beautiful and attractive picture of sin and immorality, but never does he present the entire picture. Never does he show sin’s tragic results: the heartache, the anguish, the dysfunction, the brokenness, the pain and, of course, the separation from God. Life isn’t easy with the devil. In fact, it’s the most difficult life of all. Let’s not be ignorant of his devices. Let’s not fall prey to his lying and deceitful nature. Let's not become the roaring lion's lunch!