Finding Relief in Grief

Grief is an emotion that is all too common to the human experience. All of us have, or will, experience grief at some point in our lives. To witness our loved ones suffer as they waste away before our eyes. To look upon their frail body as they deal with the effects of a terminal illness. To gaze upon their lifeless body as they are eulogized and then lowered into the earth can reek havoc upon the heart of those who are left to pick up the pieces. How do we relieve our grief while keeping our faith intact?

I think David can teach us something about handling grief. David was well-acquainted with grief. Much of it was self-inflicted. Following his sin with Bathsheba, the killing of her husband Uriah, and his bout with the tremendous guilt for what he had done, David learns that he is forgiven by the Lord but, as a result of his sin, the child born from that illicit relationship was struck with sickness. David was overcome with grief. Guilt must have still surged through his heart as he contemplated how his actions had led to this. Verses 15-17 of 2 Samuel 12 read, “Then the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s widow bore to David, so that he was very sick. David therefore inquired of God for the child; and David fasted and went and lay all night on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him in order to raise him up from the ground, but he was unwilling and would not eat food with them.” David’s actions reveal a heart that is so distraught, so overwhelmed by the circumstances of the moment that he could not even function. His grief would not allow him to focus on anything else. David was emotionally destitute. He was a broken man, but he was not without hope. Verses 19-23 of 2 Samuel 12 read, "But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, David perceived that the child was dead; so David said to his servants, 'Is the child dead?' And they said, 'He is dead.' So David arose from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he came into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he came to his own house, and when he requested, they set food before him and he ate. Then his servants said to him, 'What is this thing that you have done? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept; but when the child died, you arose and ate food.' He said, 'While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who knows, the LORD may be gracious to me, that the child may live.' But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.'” David accepted what he could not change. While the child was alive, he fasted and wept and prayed. Once the child had passed David knew he could not bring him back The only option was to live in such a way so that when his physical life was over, he could be reunited with his son. Many of us have been in David’s position: weeping, praying, too overcome with grief to even eat. We may not be able change the outcome, but we can live each and every day in such a way that when our lives on earth are over, we can see our precious loved ones in eternity. But some of you may be thinking to yourself, what if my loved one is not in heaven? How do I cope with the grief that the one I wish to see again will not be in heaven? No doubt, these are difficult questions with no easy answers. The bottom line is this: our soul is the only one we have control over. If our loved one is in heaven, they’re going to want us there as well. If, tragically, they are not in heaven, they certainly won't want us to miss out on its glories.

David also focused on what was left, not what was lost. It’s human nature to grieve. It’s only natural to mourn the loss of a loved one. In fact, such can be essential to the coping process. However, at some point we must regain our focus and tend to life again. While grieving is natural, normal and healthy, it can become unnatural, abnormal and unhealthy when it consumes us and renders us incapable of carrying on with everyday life. That’s not to say that we may feel in the beginning like we can’t go on. At first, we have little to no motivation to do much. But as the days go by, we must trust in our faith and allow God to be in control. Verse 24 of 2 Samuel 12 states, “Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and went in to her and lay with her; and she gave birth to a son, and he named him Solomon.” David regained his focus. He continued on with life. He still had a loving wife and a loving God. There was still a life worth living. While David was grieved in his heart, he didn’t allow grief to steal his focus. Unfortunately, I have seen families ripped apart and marriages severed because one or both spouses could not cope with their grief and move forward. They continued to focus on what they had lost rather than what was left, and it cost them. I have witnessed individuals lose their faith because of disappointment with God. Rather than allowing God to get them through their grief, they abandoned Him. The one that should have been their greatest ally became their biggest enemy.

I am in no way suggesting that overcoming grief is easy. It’s not! But God is the one constant, the one surety, the one mainstay when everything else seems to be crumbling down around us. While grief may be difficult to bear, we don’t have to bear it alone.